In general, topics about dildos and sex toys have been hushed since the beginning of time. Everybody in the room goes silent when the topic comes up, especially when the family’s around. If a dirty scene ever shows up in movies on streaming platforms or music videos, mature adults often switch channels or skip the scene. Sadly, this avoidance has led to a poor performance in bed, and a clear lack of sexual exploration with couples.
Read this blog to learn important lessons from the professionals themselves.
1 All ass-eaters agree with anal
If your partner loves to kiss ass at work, there’s a good chance that they enjoy rimming, edging, licking, and eating ass too. Ask them how they feel about trying anal over a casual conversation. If they’re okay with it, teach them how to do it in the most enjoyable fashion. Spend a few good minutes on douching the area, and start by gently rubbing this erogenous zone with a water-based lubricant. Insert a strap-on dildo slowly and ask your partner if the sensation they experience is pain or pleasure. Use your tongue to circle the area and try not to be afraid of the possibility of leaving skid marks on your palate.
1. Bond better over bondage
Bondage includes tying your partner up, locking them up with handcuffs, and restricting movement to take control of their body and soul.
While movies and pornos depict this as a cruel way of dominance, it’s a lot less painful in real life, and way more playful. To make the most of this act, start by tying your beau to the edge of the bed or a window pane. Smack their butt and ask them why they deserve this punishment, if this part isn’t done seriously, expect a whole lot of giggles. Now insert your dildo into their mouth and ask them how it tastes. If the answer you receive isn’t satisfactory, slap them playfully, stuff all their cavities with a sleeve, and listen to them moan loudly.
1. Create cuddle centers to keep cozy
Sometimes, plain old sex just doesn’t cut it. You become lazy, wishing to lie over your partner and hug them all day. At other times, you’d want to call all your close friends and have a group cuddle session, with hopes that it turns into a dirty wet orgy. Create a tent with blankets and hang all your dildos on the side to give everyone choices and have a glorious session like none other. Always ensure you cover the dildo with a condom after each use or use one toy per person to ensure there are no sexually transmitted infections spreading during the
session. Once everyone finishes enough times, cuddle up, and sleep in the wet, hot, and sticky mess created.
1. Dirty desires deserve dreamy dildos
Stick a butt plug behind your mask or undies, head to work, and keep quiet all day. Place a bullet vibrator in your thong and pray that it doesn’t fall off in a public space in the most awkward way. Always match your desire with a toy of your choice, because only you know exactly
what you like. If you ever run out of ideas, head over to your dating app or a local bar and have a steamy chat with an absolute stranger.
If that builds up your hidden desire, take them home for a few hours of lusty, yummy, and gooey pleasure. Play your favourite playlist that’s sure to get them in the mood. And ride the night away!
1. Enigmas enjoy ecstatic escapades
They say that the silent ones talk the most inside their head. What is left unsaid is that these creative individuals also give their best performance in bed. And since they’re scared of their dirty little secrets, they try to keep quiet all through the day. To keep these mysterious creatures active, present them with good ol’ Asa Akira’s special fleshlight. Modeled after this famous pornstar herself, they’re the perfect pair of hoo-haas to have during a drunken public self-pleasuring session. Rub her clit against yours, or insert your monstrous penis inside and give it a shake until you finish as many times as you’d like to.
1. Finish four times to flourish
The rule of thumb of spending a night with your lover or partners is that everyone in the room orgasms at least four times. Asexuals, go ahead and close your eyes for this last point. Things are about to get even more hot and steamy from here. The first time, as our relatable comedian friend, Aishwarya Mohanraj said, never really counts. It’s not until the fourth time that everyone in the room thoroughly
finishes. After you’re done, don’t forget to take a long piss to ensure sleep is pure bliss. Unless of course, everyone thinks it’s fair to leave the bed, wetter than it should be.
With these precious insights, you can now perform slightly above average in bed. Always remember, practice makes perfect, and that does not include watching too much porn. Put your phone down, step outside, and make a real connection. It’s fine if you don’t even
want to exchange names or bodily fluids, as long as you make an effort. If you’re still not interested in adding any enhancement to your sex-life, go ahead and kiss a
Vulcan tight anus.